I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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