It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
