I bet he comes in French.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
