So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
