idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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