This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
