i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
