drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
