I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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