We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
