i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
