he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Success! We fucked roommates!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
