Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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