Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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