Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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