you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
