ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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