they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
