Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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