I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
