The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
