I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
