sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
