i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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