are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
