So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
