I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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