After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
PANTIES FOUND
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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