dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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