hotel room ftw
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
