i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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