BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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