omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
