Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
