We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
