ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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