Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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