Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
