I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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