all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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