woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
