I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
