Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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