I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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