i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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