Your tits are I can't wait for
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
