The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
