im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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