Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
