please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
