It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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