is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
